i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
