Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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