I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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