Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
