we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
