And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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