I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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