she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
