I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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