The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
