I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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