dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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