Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
