I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
