I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
