glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
