he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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