I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
