I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
