It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
