What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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