Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
