two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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