i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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