so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
