This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
