So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
