i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
