smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's the barista slut.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
