the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
