That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
