I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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