We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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