And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
