She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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