I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
