Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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