just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
