so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
