where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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