omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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