I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
