Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I did not marry a roomba.
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