I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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