Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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