did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You took a bar mat shot.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
