I accidentally burped into my bong.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
