a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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