hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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