I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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